2025 Has Not Been Kind

 Wow, where the hell have I been?

Sick!

Yep, for about the whole month of February me and my husband were sick. He got the flu which was super bad this year. I ended up with just a cold, but twice!! Then, on top of all that me being sick taking care of him, the coughs that wouldn't stop. He gets pinkeye from a guy at work that refuses to go to the doctors. Then I end up with pinkeye and it has been one big mess of a year!

No seriously, I would like to return 2025 so far.

 

So what does this have to do with my wait loss?

Well, I dropped down to 244lbs while I was sick. Mainly because I wasn't eating anything, but I believe my weight loss so far really helped in my recovery. Usually when I get sick I'm down for a week minima. This time I was down two day at max. It did take me awhile to get back to full strength, but not nearly as long as it normally would take. On top of that I slept!

In the past when I would get sick I would have a really hard time breathing. Especially when I would sleep. I had no problems this time. I was able to sleep away my sickness, for the most part. While it sucked being sick there was good news, my body handled it really well. Which makes me happy.

Now, for a weight a update. While I did drop down when sick I'm back up to 251lb now that I'm healthy, but I'm finally away from 254lb! It only took months! Honestly, I was sick of not seeing the scale move expect in this pocket between 254-257. But right before getting sick I switched from 7.5mg zepbound to 10mg. Which really kicked started my weight loss again. With me healthy I'm interested to see where this all goes from here.

Some things have popped up though. Like my thighs going numb. Yep, my body is not use to the weight loss to my insides are trying to figure out where things should be placed. Basically a nerve was being pinched, but it sorted itself out. Also, my feet hurt. They feel like I bruised the bottom of them, and the is due to me losing weight in my feet. I don't have the padding there I used to, and my feet are not used to being thinner. 

The fix is to build up strength in my feet and wear comfortable shoes for now, Doctor says my body will adjust though. Plus as I lose more weight the burden my feet carry will be lessened. So there is that to look forward too. I will say it is nice fitting into smaller shoes, it opens up a lot of possibilities to me. 

Aside from that I have been enjoying my new found periods. . .

NOT!!!!

I mean, my doctor is happy that I'm regular and everything, but I miss not having a period. However; I did get to drop a medication from my little pharmacy box of a pill case.

Aside from all that I'm very interested to see where all this takes me now that I'm healthy again. Also, I'm super interested to see how my blood work looks this year when we check. That's not until September, so I will have to wait a little while longer, but there are exciting things to come with spring and summer. I can't wait!

What Is Up?!

 It's been a minute!

Sorry, I know I disappeared but there has ALOT going on. First, I turned 40!

Yep the big 40, and it was a blast. Had a bowling party with cupcakes made to look like ramen noodle cups. We had tons of fun, I got to see all my friends, and I got to eat tasty food! Best way to turn a new decade if you ask me. 

Then, right after that I got a cold. My body was like, "I'm done. Time to rest." That was a boat load of fun, but it was short lived. Which brings me to another tick mark on my new life. When I was younger, thinner, I never got sick and if I did then it was over in a flash. As I got older, fatter, and my health declined I would get sick so freaking easy and I would stay sick for at least a week or more. Even then I would carry symptoms for weeks afterward. This time I felt fine and I wouldn't have even called off work but I lost my voice and I was feeling really rough for one day.

Yeah, ONE day!

That is a big improvement over at the minimum being a week. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have gotten sick at all if I wasn't pushing so hard for some long. With the holidays, my birthday, work, and all these health things I had going on. It was too much for an extended amount of time. And for once I didn't get my husband's cold he had right before my birthday. I gave him my after cold. That's a big win. Amazing what losing 50 pounds can do. 

Oh to health goodies. I haven't lost any weight. Honestly I'm sick of this runt I'm in. I have been floating in the 250s for nearly 3 months, and I am done.

I'm so done I asked to be moved up a dose with my Zepbound. Now the last time I went to 10mg it triggered my anxiety in a really bad way. I was all over the damn place, but this time I'm feeling good about it. I've been on 7.5 for a long while. My body has fully adjusted to it, and I'm on new anxiety and depression medication. Stuff that works better with my mental health. On top of that I'm no longer on my birth control, which was messing with a lot of my hormones and other things. Basically keeping me unhealthy. 

I am unhappy to report, after eightish long, happy, happy years, I regained my period. My doctor loves this. Me, not so much. I was happy without my period, but I guess this is normal so yay for normal.

(booooooo)

So what is next?

Well, I just started the 10s back up and so far my appetite is back to where it was before I started my depression meds, which grew my appetite. Which makes me happy because it might jump start my weight loss. I'm very happy about this because I might lose even more since I am off my birth-control. Which caused me to gain a considerable amount of weight before.

However, despite all this goodness from weight loss I have found some draw backs. First, my upper arms are saggy. They have always been big, but now they are sagging. Before they were tight and big, not so much anymore. 

Second, I jiggle. Like all over!

I'm like Jigglypuff. My husband loves it. Me, I'm indifferent about it. It's not bad, it's not good it's simply different. Next, my left butt-cheek and upper thigh goes numb. I guess my body was used to all the padding, and now that I don't have that my nerves don't know where to store themselves. So I randomly get a pinched nerve that makes like a sleep feeling in that area. Interesting problem to have. It doesn't hurt anything, it simply feels really strange at times.

Then there is my left foot. Well, both my feet but mostly my left. The bottom of my foot toward the back has been killing me. It feels like I have been walking around with bare feet on concrete. In other words, like I bruised it. Come to find out it's a result of my weight loss, because surprisingly I have lost a lot of a weight in my feet. Simply put, the padding is no longer there to cushion my weight, so it is in fact  bruising my foot. So days is better than others, but others it's hard to walk. The only way to help it is to rest your foot, and loose weight. 

Well, I'm trying.

I also wear cushioned shoes to help with the day to day walking. It helps, but it sucks there are shoes of mine I can no longer wear at the moment. Which brings me to the biggest sucky part about losing weight. I miss my clothes!!!! While I'm happy to be down two sizes there are also outfits I miss. Shirts that were so big I looked like a child in their parents clothing. I have still hung on to a few of them and only wear them around the house, but for the most part a lot of my clothes are newer. In fact I just had to go on a shopping binge to get new spring shirts for work because I had nothing that fit. Everything I wore last year was WAYYYYYYYY too big. Good problem to have, but some outfits made me sad to lose.  

So that is where I'm at right now. I hit a valley in my weight loss, which really made me struggle with keeping up with the shots, but I'm on the other side of it. Hopefully. It has pushed me to make some changes in my life. Like eating more fruits and vegetables, and get my downstairs gym in order. Which I'm still working on. But I'm looking forward to this next step in my journey on Zepbound. 

100's here I come!!!

New Year, New Me? Nope Still The Same!

 Happy New Year everyone!

Here we are back at 1-1------------2025! What a wild ride 2024 was, and I'm glad to be done with it. Honestly, it was a hell of a year and I'm ready for the refresh of things. I do always fall into that trap that the New Year is a reset, it simply feels right. Even though I celebrate my New Years in October, this was feels more like a full reset.

But is this a path to a new me?

Nope!

That is one trap I don't fall into because I really don't want a new me. I like who I am now. If anything I simply want to get myself back or rather grow into the person I was always suppose to be. Truly that is what I have been doing this last year, and in fact the last 15 years. See I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary on December 21, and it was an eye opener. 

First, I couldn't believe it had already been FIFTEEN YEARS!

Seriously, I blinked and here I am. Married, which I never thought I would be, and for so long! Growing up the longest relationship I ever saw was maybe 10ish years or less. On average my birth-giver's relationships lasted 2-5, and they were rocky at best. To even see a relationship this long is insane for me, even more so that it's mine.

But it also made me look back at the person I was back before I met my husband, and that person was EXTREMELY different than who I am now. In looking back I have come to realize that it wasn't that I grew out of being that person. It's not like I evolved like people do. I simply wasn't who I always wanted to be. I was pretending to be this person who wasn't me, because people had put the fear of god into me when it came to being my true self. 

Over the years I have grown out of that fear and I have my husband to thank for it. He was the first person I ever let my true self show to, and now I'm a Wicca, gothic, sparkly, silly, princess. Yes, all that is a contradiction, but that's me. I make no sense at all!

So what does that have to do with weight loss? I mean this is a blog about my weight loss journey.

It has everything to do with it. While I could be myself around my husband I was very reserved in the world. Online, not so much, but very much out in the world I was. I hid a lot of myself. I held back because I lacked confidence, and my weight was a big part of it. When I started taking Zepbound and started watching the weight come off my confidence grew and I really started caring less how people saw me. I was able to open up outside of my house and the internet. I started growing more into this great, funny, person. 

Okay, I've always been funny because I have always spoke my mind, but more so now. 

Has it been a picnic, HELL NO!!!

It has been awful, a struggle, a violent fight for everything I have ever wanted. I expect my less from life. Even as I write this I am having a rough time of things.

(I'm currently winging off my birth control, which has my hormones and cortisol all over the damn place. It is a wild ride.)

What it's worth it to keep who I am. I really like this version of me and know I'm only going to open up more as I loss the weight that has been holding me back. I look forward to the struggle because the outcome is worth it. 

So a New Year, New Me? 

Hello no.

This year I'm going to focus on keeping myself and not let the world influence me. I wanted to shine bright in this crazy world, and not lose myself like everyone else seems to with the rising tides. I think that is the perfect resolution. 

Losing My Tastes

 Yeah, I know it's been awhile since I posted. The Holidays have me busy, busy, busy! First up, I have not lost any weight. None. I'm stuck at 254 lbs. Which isn't bad, but annoying. It's not like I'm gaining weight so there is that. Thing is I have a lot going on.

I mean there are the Holidays, which are stressful on their own. I'm on a new mood medication which increases my appetite a little, AND I just went off my Provera. Which I'm super happy about because it was causing all kinds of problems. Because of that I'm looking for my weight loss to pick up again after the New Year. If it doesn't, well I guess I will have to make some changes. No big deal.

Now onto the blog topic. 

I have noticed that my tastes have really changed since taking Zepbound. Maybe it's because I don't crave junk-food so I'm better aware of what I like and don't like. I'm not stuffing my face as rapidly as I can. For example, soda. I really don't have the taste for soda like I used to. I would drink a 2 litter to myself a day if I could. The only thing that would stop me is the shame and guilt of actually doing it. I will have one from time to time if I need a pick me up, but really I run to coffee now. In my coffee I only use a little flavor creamer. I don't like a ton of sugar or sweet stuff. I like mine a bit bitter. 

Another thing I have fallen out of love with, chips. Okay, I have been all about Red Hots lately, but even then it takes me two weeks to get through a bag. Sometimes even over a month. I don't eat them all the often. Also, hot fries. I used to devour hot fries, now I'm like Meh.

Chocolate is another big one. At one point I could go through a pound of chocolate in three days time. It was nothing for me to eat only chocolate all freaking day. Now I'm like, whatever. Chocolate actually goes bad in my house. I have had to throw away so much of it over the last few months, it's insane. Sweets in general don't get eaten anymore in the house. Mainly because I'm full all the time. I have been snacking a little through, however; I find myself moving more towards nuts and not so much junk-food snacks.

Then there is fast-food. Not a fan!

Honestly, it's been so long since I had fast-food my stomach doesn't do well on it. I eat fast-food and I feel sick now. Because of that I tend to stay away from it. Now if I'm having a really off day I will start craving something greasy and fast, but those times are rare. 

Other things I used to gobble down and don't anymore, corn-nuts, mini candy bars, cake, pie, slim jims, sunflower seeds, candy in general, and fried foods. None of which have really peak my fancy.

What I have been craving:

Artichokes, Mexican (because who doesn't), veggies and dip, stir fry, grilled chicken, and fresh fruit. Some of this stuff is hard to get my hands on right now because we are starting winter, but when summer comes I'm all over it. 

I don't feel as though not liking those foods anymore is a loss. Instead I see it more as my true tastes coming out without all that food noise from before. All that crap I used to eat was a product of my shitty upbringing, and years of abuse simple trying to survive. Now, I'm becoming who I was meant to be, and I have been feeling like that for awhile. Which is a wonderful feeling!

Let's Talk Food!

 First let's start out by doing a little dance.

I lost 2 more lbs. this week after not losing anything for about 3ish weeks. So yay! That means I'm done to 254.6 lbs! Only 73 away from my goal weight of 180. I might actually change that goal because I didn't see that as attenable when I started, but now I feel like I could get down to about 160 and be really happy with myself. We will see.

Now on to the good stuff.

Thanksgiving is a few days away and what a good time to talk about FOOD!!! I know a lot of us will be stuffing our faces come Thursday. Me, I generally take my shot Thursday morning and by the afternoon I don't really feel like eating. My hunger is gone. So I'm actually going to be taking my shot Thursday night for a change. I want to be able to enjoy my food after I spent all day cooking it. But enough about that.

My relationship has changed a lot throughout the years. Growing up we never had much, and my birth-giver never kept food in the house when my brother and sister were not around, which was basically all summer. I would go hungry a lot! I got into this system of maybe eating a meal once a day, and it was never a really good one. 

As I grew up, got a job, married, and could provide my own food I went off the rails. I would drink every soda I could get my hands on. I could go through a 2 liter a day! Ice cream, cakes, candy, things I never got to eat as a kid I devoured, and like it should my weight went up.

Now among all this bingeing I did try to eat healthy. I would go through periods of eating low carb, vegetables, and other good for you things. At one point I was inspired by the women around me and I went no sugar. I switched everything to Stevia, I even drank Zevia which I will tell you is not good. It has an awful after taste, but when you work with a bunch of models you will try anything. 

Whatever I did try my relationship with food has always been a bad one. I overeat all the damn time, I eat my emotions which with someone with generalized anxiety that is not good. When I found out I had PCOS I was done. I gave the hell up hardcore. I started eating fast food three times a day, drinking gallons of soda, and I just didn't care anymore. I figured this was me. I have a bad, toxic relationship with food and it's always going to be that way. 

I blamed my mom for most of it, but a lot of it was me too just giving up. I surrendered to the fact that nothing was ever going to change. Zepbound or no Zepbound.

I was wrong!

When I first started taking Zepbound my hunger really went away and I ate less, but I was still eating fast food daily, and drinking a lot of soda and sugary drinks along with all the water I was drinking. My relationship with food was still a bad one. I knew what I needed to eat but I just didn't care. 

Then the food noise went away. The nag in the bad of your head telling you to eat this junk food or that awful thing. I need to devour these foods went away and suddenly my rational mind was able to make good choices. On top of that I was forced to learn to eat smaller meals because I couldn't eat that much at once. My bingeing days were over. After a few months of stumbling with these changes I'm in a set habit and now it's a natural thing for me to eat small meals throughout the day, healthier meals with higher protein to keep myself from being hungry or feel sick later. It was like a natural shift in my relationship with food, and I started to realize I didn't need to punish myself with food, and things were not hopeless.

Now do I still have a soda from time to time?

Yeah, but I can only drink about 16 oz before feeling sick. So I generally stay away.

Do I still crave chocolate when I am stressed or around that time of the month?

Hell yeah. But I don't devour pounds of junk. I have one or two small pieces and I'm good.

This has also helped me to learn new ways to deal with my anxiety and stress eating. Without that nag of the voice pushing me to eat my feelings, I can come up with other ways to distract myself. This is what this drug does. It just doesn't take the hunger away, it makes it so you can actually think for yourself instead of being a slave to food or your cravings. 

So people that say that Zepbound just takes the hungry away and doesn't make any REAL changes in your life are full of shit! It does, if taken the way it's suppose to be taken. This is not a short term drug you shoot-up and drop some weight. It's a long term treatment to help with weight, behavior, and your relationship with food. Remember that before starting this journey. 

Past, Future, but No Weight Loss

 Let's get this thing started. I was going through pictures on my phone and thought it would be fun to do a comparison from last year. So here it is, this is me September of 2023.

I was simply surviving. I had given up on ever losing weight and excepted the fact I was going to look like that the rest of my life. A walrus with thinning fair and stomach problems and all kinds of other problems. I was getting by. Then my friends at work kept talking about this shot they took to help lose weight. At first I was like, "no, I can't do that."

From there I realized taking a shot every week wasn't so bad, but then I had the thought, "Well, it won't work for me." Finally, after a lot of talking and hearing all these stories from there I came around and figured I would give a try. It has been a little over six months and this is me now.

I NEVER thought I would be here.

Honestly, while I still have long way to go to my goal weight and my journey is really just starting. I couldn't comprehend looking the way I do now.

Not only have I lost 50 pounds but my hair is filling in, my PCOS has decreased which I love. My stomach problems are gone. I don't get heartburn like I used to from overeating, because I simply don't overeat anymore. 

Overall, I'm happy with my progress.

Now I will say I'm a little concerned because it's been two weeks and I still weigh the same, but I'm trying to stay positive. This happens. Weight loss is not a straight-line trending downward, I have to remember that. That is why I'm making this short but sweet post today. I needed to be reminder I've come so very far from where I have started, so a few weeks of no pound droppage is normal and fine. 

Jumping Through Hoops, Good Exercise

 I know, it isn't Sunday but I have some time off so I'm doing a blog post today. I missed last week because I didn't feel like it. I have been having a difficult time with my mental health. My doctor and I have been working with different medications, and things have been all over the place. I have been going through tests after tests, and honestly I didn't feel like using my one day off to write anything.

However; I am on some good medication now. It has improved my mood and things are going good. On top of that I'm on vacation, so lets get this started.

About two weeks ago at work we got the notice our annual enrollment was coming up for our benefits in 2025. It happens the beginning of ever November. They send out the announcement along with a list of things changing, or updating. All that good stuff. It's all put together in a nice packet that is easy to follow along with. They even have access to the current years information so it's easy to compare, because lets face it. Figuring our medical benefits is TOUGHT!!!

It's like an alien language you barely understand. So when they break it down for you in nice little graphs and charts, it makes coming to a decision a lot easier. Now, I'm not here to talk about what I choose for benefits. That's private. What I am here to talk about is one piece of information that was really hard not to take offense to.

Starting Jan. 1st 2025, everyone that takes GLP-1 medication for "weight loss" must be enrolled in Virta.

Virta? What the hell is Virta?

Was my first thought, my second was, why? I already see a weight lost specialist, isn't that enough?

Anyways, I go to the Virta website and start doing my homework. As I read more and more about Virta Weight Lost Management I get more and more pissed off. When you get right down to it they are a program that believes in mainly reversing type 2 diabetes through diet not medication. In fact they have a NO medication stance. Their whole goal is to get you off your medication. 

Right away panic sets in. My moods were already bad from my other meds and now this? Oh hell no!

I couldn't deal, and I lost my cool. I started writing angry letters to HR, and these Virta people. I started reading horror stories about them and their program. All I could think about was "I knew this was going to happen." and two "they are trying to take my medication." I was losing my shit!

I did do one smart thing through all this panic, and I signed up for enrollment in Virta. Which turns out was a good thing because now there is a waiting list to get in that stretches into next year. And as my benefits package says, "Only GLP-1 medication prescribed by Virta will be covered" this is a very good thing. I actually have my enrollment meeting next week so I will let you know how it goes.

Now, am I happy about this? Hell no.

This is a hoop I have to jump through to get what I need to loss weight. They want me to try diet, which is basically the Keto diet. Diet does not work for me. Yeah I always end up losing something weight, about 15 pounds, but then it stops and I gain it all back. 

Zepbound is the first thing I have ever tried that has really helped me. 

Now, I get it. They want to weed out the people that are on this medicine for vanity. People that don't take it seriously. I get that, but then the rest of us have to suffer. Now here is the part I am extremely pissed about. 

Anyone taking a GLP-1 (ozpemic, zepbound, ect.) who has type 2 diabetes does not need to enroll in the Virta program. ONLY people that are considered Obese. 

Why the discrimination? 

Obesity is a medical problem. I have a hormonal imbalance that causes me to gain and retain weight. I can eat all the right things, workout and everything and still not lose. How is this not a medical problem like type 2 diabetes? In fact if I don't lose weight I will end up with type 2 diabetes, and then what? I guess my meds will be covered without question. However, this is preventative care, when you really think about it. So why is some preventative care covered and others not?

Well, you see obesity has not been officially labeled as a disease. In fact it's only considered a health problem. Not an actual disease. Because of that coverage for weight loss medication is considered and elective. I'm actually very lucky that my work is still going to cover my zepbound, even through I have to go through this stupid program. 

So while I am pissed, annoyed, and I am not going to have a fun time with this Virta program. I am still covered. My company is one of the good ones, are they great. No, they have their flaws (Virta), but they are trying. 

Now if you work for a company and your insurance doesn't cover GLP-1 medication for weight loss try this organization. They will help you push your company to cover the medication. Let's work together to get obesity labeled correctly.  

OAC