New Year, New Me? Nope Still The Same!

 Happy New Year everyone!

Here we are back at 1-1------------2025! What a wild ride 2024 was, and I'm glad to be done with it. Honestly, it was a hell of a year and I'm ready for the refresh of things. I do always fall into that trap that the New Year is a reset, it simply feels right. Even though I celebrate my New Years in October, this was feels more like a full reset.

But is this a path to a new me?

Nope!

That is one trap I don't fall into because I really don't want a new me. I like who I am now. If anything I simply want to get myself back or rather grow into the person I was always suppose to be. Truly that is what I have been doing this last year, and in fact the last 15 years. See I celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary on December 21, and it was an eye opener. 

First, I couldn't believe it had already been FIFTEEN YEARS!

Seriously, I blinked and here I am. Married, which I never thought I would be, and for so long! Growing up the longest relationship I ever saw was maybe 10ish years or less. On average my birth-giver's relationships lasted 2-5, and they were rocky at best. To even see a relationship this long is insane for me, even more so that it's mine.

But it also made me look back at the person I was back before I met my husband, and that person was EXTREMELY different than who I am now. In looking back I have come to realize that it wasn't that I grew out of being that person. It's not like I evolved like people do. I simply wasn't who I always wanted to be. I was pretending to be this person who wasn't me, because people had put the fear of god into me when it came to being my true self. 

Over the years I have grown out of that fear and I have my husband to thank for it. He was the first person I ever let my true self show to, and now I'm a Wicca, gothic, sparkly, silly, princess. Yes, all that is a contradiction, but that's me. I make no sense at all!

So what does that have to do with weight loss? I mean this is a blog about my weight loss journey.

It has everything to do with it. While I could be myself around my husband I was very reserved in the world. Online, not so much, but very much out in the world I was. I hid a lot of myself. I held back because I lacked confidence, and my weight was a big part of it. When I started taking Zepbound and started watching the weight come off my confidence grew and I really started caring less how people saw me. I was able to open up outside of my house and the internet. I started growing more into this great, funny, person. 

Okay, I've always been funny because I have always spoke my mind, but more so now. 

Has it been a picnic, HELL NO!!!

It has been awful, a struggle, a violent fight for everything I have ever wanted. I expect my less from life. Even as I write this I am having a rough time of things.

(I'm currently winging off my birth control, which has my hormones and cortisol all over the damn place. It is a wild ride.)

What it's worth it to keep who I am. I really like this version of me and know I'm only going to open up more as I loss the weight that has been holding me back. I look forward to the struggle because the outcome is worth it. 

So a New Year, New Me? 

Hello no.

This year I'm going to focus on keeping myself and not let the world influence me. I wanted to shine bright in this crazy world, and not lose myself like everyone else seems to with the rising tides. I think that is the perfect resolution.