Zepbound, Not All Roses

 So, lets talk about side effects of taking Zepbound, but first I want to say I'm sorry I disappeared for a few weeks. One, I was on vacation and very busy. Second, well I will explain in this post later on. 

Onward!

As with any medication there are side effects of taking Zepbound. Some are serious, but when I went for my first doctor's visit my doctor explained to me what I could be facing. Honestly, the side effects, even the extreme ones, out weighed the effects of being over 300 lbs. I also have PCOS (more on that later), which puts me at risk of a lot of health problems, some of which I already suffer from. By losing weight I can decrease these risk factors. So that day I took my first shot of Zepbound in the office, and off we went!

I started like all people on the lowest dose, which is 2.5mg. That night my hunger decreased greatly. I could only eat half of what I normally would eat. The next day my appetite was even worse. I could hardly eat and I wasn't hungry. It was a really quick change, and it left my head spinning. Like, HOW? It was insane how fast it worked and I was happy.

Two weeks later I took my shot and right after the worst case of diarrhea hit me. I'm talking pure liquid, and it didn't stop! Like right when I thought there was nothing left, nope it kept coming. So I started taking some over the counter meds. Cleared it. In fact I would take a full dose of pink-stuff and I was good for about two days. Then I would check to see if the liquid would come back. If it did I took another full dose of pink-stuff. 

This lasted for about two solid weeks, and in that time I hardly lost weight. Again, my mental negative Nancy kicked in and told me the shot wasn't worth it, but my husband supported me. He also encouraged me to wait it out. Because, honestly, this was my last option. If I gave up on this my mental health would not bounce back. 

I waited it out and slowly the runs went away and once my body got used to the Zepbound I was fine. There were also what they call, sulfur burps. I call them Demon Belches! Mainly because it feels like this gas from the inner depths of your gut come bubbling up. They are not bad, mostly annoying and they vanish within a few days of taking a shot. After about three weeks they go away completely. 

Now, I was on the 2.5mg for about two months because of the supply shortage, and I didn't lose much weight. Which really deflated me. I really thought Zepbound wasn't going to work for me. However; thanks to the wonderful ladies I work with, who are also taking Zepbound, and my husband I stayed the course. They really got me through all my doubts. 

Finally, I was able to move up to the 5 mgs,  and the back pain started. I'm used to back pain, I am over weight after all but this was bad upper back pain. It would go away when I laid down and it wasn't too bad in the morning. However, throughout the day it would get really bad and uncomfortable. This is where I am very very lucky to have people around me that have been through this journey. My friend at work kept telling me it was acid reflux. I'm like, "No way!" I don't feel acidy or heartburn or anything like that. After of a few days of back pain I would try anything. 

I started a course of anti-acid which I got over the counter. Within 24 hours I was feeling so much better. I did the anti-acid for 14 days like the program said to at the pharmacy, and after that I added an acid reducer to my daily pile intake. Now, I'm fine. The only other side effect of the 5mg was the demon belches, and after three weeks they were completely gone. Also my appetite really decreased. Sometimes I didn't want to eat.

YOU HAVE TO EAT!!!

I can't stress this enough. Skipping meals will only lead to malnutrition, and make your health worse. Even if you don't feel like eating, eat something. A little bit of cheese or half an apple. Chicken, anything!

I finished my 5mg went up to 7.5mg after a month. The only side effect I had was the demon belches, and again, after three weeks they went away. I really started losing weight then. 

I was on a roll and ready to jump up to 10 mg. . . That is where the big problems started.

The first week on the 10mg I started having, what I call, trauma dreams. They are not really nightmare's in the traditional sense, but they are not pleasant and they put me in a foul mood. After of a week of that fun my emotional state started to change. 

I have a generalize anxiety disorder that measures off the charts, major depression, another type of depression I can't remember what it is a called, and PTSD. And Zepbound was rendering my anxiety medicine ineffective. 

It started with thinking everyone at work hated me. That my boss was always upset at me, and that my friends were just tolerating me, and actually found me annoying. Then started the racing thoughts, and for over a week I was not in a very fun place. 

I contacted my doctor right away. I'm very aware of my moods and mental struggles, I like to nip it in the butt before it can get to a dangerous place. I have been suicidal in the past, and I don't ever want to let things go to that place again. And it's very important to keep your doctor in the loop about this stuff, especially when changing medications or increasing doses. They need to know what is going on with you.

Now, I also had the added benefit of this happening to my friend at work, so she really thought it was the Zepbound. My doctor got back to me right away, and we set up a telehealth call. I told her what was going on with me, how much I was spinning out of control, and my belief it was the Zepbound. Right away we put a plan into place. She put in a script to go back down to the 7.5 mg, and if that didn't work we had other meds ready and waiting for me. 

See, when you take your shot (once a week) the first few days the drug is really strong. You can feel the effects, but as the week goes on you can feels them lessen as well. When it started getting close to my next shot (which I was going down to the 7.5 mg) my mood started improving. The day after I took the lower dose I felt amazing!

I was back to my old self with a few days, and I was so damn happy to be my old self. 

Now I will say that I really haven't lost any weight the last two weeks. I'm still at 266.8 lbs. But that's okay. You don't lose pounds every week, and there is another reason for my lack of weight loss.

See, in 2017 I was diagnosed with PCOS ( Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome). I had started bleeding very shortly after one of my periods and didn't stop for three months. After months of testing the result was PCOS. Which is a hormone imbalance is the simplest way of putting it. My body makes too much testosterone. There is a lot of side effects associated with PCOS, one of which is irregular or painful periods, and weight gain. Because of this I was put on Provera and a testosterone blocker. I have since gone off the blocker because it was hurting my kidneys, but I'm still on the Provera and I haven't had a period in SEVEN years!!

I'm a happy bitch, trust me.

However; I have lost a good 41 lbs and my body is responding to that.  I can't be a 100% sure, but I know I ovulated last week because my hormones' were all over the place. I HATED IT!!!

While I'm not happy about it this is a good sign. It means my body is healing from all the damage PCOS has done to it, and it's all thanks to Zepbound. With my hormones all over the place and the standard bloating that comes with that, I'm not surprised I didn't lose anything last week. So I'm not worried about it, because it's a good, bitter-sweet, sign.

I hope this helps those that on the fence about taking Zepbound. I realize side effects are different for everyone, and these are just my experiences with it. There is still more to come though guys. I will have to go up to 10 mg at some point and my doctor and I are working on a plan for that. 

Small Things Mean Everything

 I really should update everyone on how things have been. The last three weeks have been a struggle, but instead of that I want to share something positive right now. 

First off I am down from 269.4 lbs. to 266.8 lbs!

Woot, Woot!!

That is the good stuff right there, but even more than the numbers on a scale there are things that have happened over the years that have taken my steam away, and have given me back motivation. That is what I wanted to share today. However; to share these things there are some other things I have to talk about. Mainly, the bad. So strap in!

When you are overweight, which I have been since the age of 9, you adjust your life to what your weight limits you to. Things like never being able to wear cute little tops without a bra, or running a mile without panting, standing on makeshift ladders or stools, walking up an excessive amount of stairs. You simply learn to avoid these things. After awhile you don't see them as restrictions, but a way of life. They become your norm. 

I had accepted these limitations in my life, but what I wasn't ready for was how my weight was going to limit me even more throughout the years. Back in October of 2012 I left my job to try my hand at being a full time author/artist. In reality I couldn't take the stress of working anymore. I was at my limit, actually I was beyond my limit. Somethings happened that year in my family that took me to a very dark place, and in October I had a massive breakdown. It wasn't anyone thing that did it, it was a build-up of a lifetime of abuse, neglect, etc. My mind had simply had enough. 

It was not a pretty sight but from there I slowly built my way back. For ten years I struggled to be an author/freelance artist, and I became very sedentary. I would sit 10+ hours a day. As a result my health took a nose dive, and my weight shot up. Slowly things that I had taken for granted. . . Things that I had always been able to do started to become a problem for me. 

First, it was the basement steps. They are the only steps in our house and I couldn't walk up or down them without getting winded. It got so bad I would be wheezing by the time I reached that top, and there are not many stairs. I never had a problem with them before, I helped my husband move a solid wood futon down the same steps without a problem years before. I quickly started to avoid the basement, to the point my husband had to go down every week to start he laundry, and switch the laundry, and bring the laundry up. The most I could do was sit on the bed and help fold.

Over time my avoidance of the basement has become kind of a joke in the house. It still makes me feel awful though. I don't want to avoid a whole part of my house because it hurts to get to it, but that was the sad truth.

The next freedom I lost was the ability to put on a bra. I have worn a bra since I was eleven years old. I have always had the kind that hook in the back. I'm not a fan of putting the bra on backwards, hooking it, then shifting it around the right way. I like to put it on, reach back and hook it blind. I have always done this, I'm a master at it. Well, with being at home all the time I stop wearing bras a lot of the time, but one day when I did finally put one on I struggled to get it hooked. I thought it was because I had just gotten out of the shower and my body was sticky. So my husband helped me. I didn't think much about it till that night when I tried to take my bra off. I reached back, and couldn't get it unhooked. My arms would not strong enough, not flexible enough for me to do it. I started to panic. Being the good husband James is, he helped me out of my bra, told me not to worry I was simply tired. 

That wasn't the case. I had lost the ability to put on a bra. That really hit me hard. How could I have let it get this bad? But there was more still to come. 

As time went on I found it hard to do dishes (we do not have a dishwasher). I would like the sink fill up because I couldn't bare to stand at the kitchen sink and wash dishes. My back would hurt, my stomach rubbed against the counter and put holes in my shirts. I would get covered in water from my belly overhanging into the sink. I couldn't do more than five minutes at a time. It was a painful process. I hid that from my husband. I didn't want to feel the shame of admitting this was now difficult for me. I wasn't going to give in to this one. So I suffered through doing dishes as much as I could. 

Next came my struggles in the shower. I take fast showers anyways, but I started cutting my showers really short. Because I would get through washing my hair and I would be winded! It hurt to stand in the shower, and it was a chore to wash my body. By the time I was done with a shower I couldn't even bring myself to dry off. I would simply wrap a towel around me and head in to the bedroom to lay on the bed. I would let the air dry me, now in the summer that is a treat. In the winter, not so much, but there was nothing else I could do. I was exhausted, and with that realization came the shame and wondering. How much longer was I going to be able to clean myself? I didn't want that question answered.

Finally, the big blow. The thing that hurt me the most. 

I was driving home from one of the random trips out of the house for fast food. I got my meal in the drive through, because I was always too embarrassed to go inside. Was driving off, went to turn and the wheel got stuck on my gut. I couldn't turn. No matter how much I sucked in my stomach it wasn't enough. I had to put my car in park and push my seat back just to get home safely.

I drove home holding back tears, eating french-fries, and feeling awful about myself. I arrived home, ate my fast-food lunch and then cried and shamed myself for eat it. Plus being a fat-ass. How much longer did I have before I wasn't going to be able to drive my car? 

That was the sad reality I faced. My weight and health had gotten to a point where day to day life was difficult. Add on my depression and anxiety and days seemed impossible. All I could do was sleep, eat, and sit. 

But, that story doesn't end there. 

Fast-forward to 2022, I got a job out of the house. Which helped with my depression, I became more active but I still struggled with a lot of the things from above. Now, I started Zepbound in April and I have gained some amazing things since then.

Three weeks ago on Sunday, when we do our laundry for the week. My husband found himself at our neighbors putting together a bed. I was alone and the dryer buzzer. Now normally I would have left it for him, but I felt bad. He was over there working and I was doing nothing. Knowing it was going to be a struggle I went downstairs, loaded up the laundry basket with clean cloths, and headed up the steps.

I was fine!

I didn't get winded, I wasn't wheezing even though I was carrying all this laundry. It wasn't even a struggle. I was able to go up the stairs with minor problems (I have cats, they are always under foot), go into the bed and fold laundry all by myself. That felt awesome to be able to do that.

I have also noted I no longer feel tired while taking a shower. Even though I shower at night right before bed, and a lot of days I work 8 hours. Even after my longest day I don't feel overwhelmed by taking a shower. I can clean myself no problem, and I am actually back to enjoying a shower. Another Win!!!

Now last week I ordered new bras because mine are getting too small. I have been wearing front clasp bras since I started struggling putting on my old ones. I ordered new bras, not even thinking about how they hook. I was a little down when the new ones came and they hook in the back, but I figured I would give it a try. I was able to hook my own bra in the back. Not only that I was able to put it on the tightest setting!!!!

I would like to continue this by saying dishes are not a problem for me. Lets be honest. No one likes washing dishes, least of all me. But I will say I no longer have pain while washing dishes, and I rarely let them go too long before washing them. Do I enjoy doing it, no. But I'm happy it's not painful any longer.

And here we are, at the end of this story. I know you guys already know what I am going to say, but here is the story anyways.

My husband and I went out to eat Saturday after I got off work. Now, I noticed this the other day, but I wanted to share with him. I told him, look! There was so much space between my stomach and the steering wheel. I will probably not move my seat back up because I did tend to drive right on top of my wheel, and I am comfortable where my seat is now, but there is a whole fist worth of room between me and the wheel. Before, even with moving my seat back, my stomach still touched the wheel. 

This is HUGE!!!!

I'm slowly getting parts of my life back I thought were gone forever! Honestly, I had accepted my fate that I was just going to be a fat thing that couldn't function, and when I started on Zepbound I honestly didn't think it would work for me. I have been pleasantly surprised since then.

I'm floored by how much of my life I have gotten back, and I really look forward to what else could come of this weight loss. I'm down 41 lbs. so far. It's been a struggle, I will say that, but it's worth it. Even with these small wins that mean so damn much to me. 

So when you gain a little piece of yourself back, celebrate that. It's a big deal, no matter how small the piece is. Celebrate the hell out of it!

From The Start

 I struggled with where to begin this details of my journey. Should I begin when I started taking Zepbound? Or before that? I settled on the beginning of the year. That's a reasonable place to begin, but really my struggles with weight started the summer before 4th grade. I would have been nine years old, the year 1994. Probably the worst year of my life. While the summer was fun because I spent it with my Nana eating only Burger King, spice beef jerky, soda, and ice cream all summer. Oh, and seeing the Lion King, I gained about 60 lbs. that summer. During my trip visiting my Nana alone in California, Danielle (my mother) and her husband plus my younger brother and sister were making the move to a new home. 

This new home was in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, somewhere I was not used to. I came home to a new house, a new room, new school and none of my old clothes fit. On top of that I developed heartburn from the sudden switch in my diet from 100% fast-food to home cooking. I struggled with pain in my right knee, and also had to suffer the wrath and criticism of my stepfather.

When I started school a few weeks later that had changed too. I was no longer the popular little darling in the school. I was the new fat kid. A drastic change for me. I was called names, had nearly no friends, and when I cried to Danielle about it her response was "they are jealous of you. Ignore them." Needless to say none of that worked. Between home-life and school-life things were awful and they were so bad I hardly remember that whole year. 

Sadly there are two things I do remember form that year, and that was shortly after turning 10 I first thought of suicide, and I reach my first 100 lbs. I remember being at the doctors and them reading my weight as 101 lbs. I was shocked and felt so ashamed. Danielle made a joke about it, but I wasn't laughing.

Most people's advice for this time in my life and my weight was that I would grow out of it. I was thin out, get taller. Well needless to say that never happened. I'm still short and fat. I lost track of my weight for nearly all of high school. I simply didn't want to know, however; with my first job came an unusual side effect.

between the ages of 19-21 I dropped down to 195 lbs. Thinnest I had ever been. I was also working as a dishwasher, lugging heavy dishes, glass racks, bus tubs, and not eating but once a day. For those of us that worked there we called it the "Crack-bar Diet" I lived off of vault and surge, while sleeping 4 hours a nice and working 12 hour days. I might have been thinner but I was not healthy in the least.

Once I got older I got a different job. One that required a lot less physical labor. I ended up gaining weight, big shocker there. In all this time though I did go back and forth between didn't diets. I tried jazzercize, a dancing workout, eating more fruits and vegetables, the Akins diet, the South Beach Diet, a juice Diet, HCG Diet. Generally trying to eat better and workout, self-help books, Biggest Losers, and so many more. 

None of which I have ever been able to stick with. Some I lost a little weight but never anything major or noteworthy. Now my husband says I stop before any real progress can happen, and I agree. But you have to understand not only my physical problems but my mental ones as well. 

When living at home, every time I tried to lose weight or started a diet, or started working out Danielle would star the negative talk. She would either eat all the healthy stuff I bought myself or start making excess of brownies, cookies, fried egg sandwiches especially for me in the morning before college filled with Mayo. If I said anything about not eating it, or trying to eat better she would lose her shit. Then she would start bring me down with comments such as, "why are you so vain? Real women are comfortable in their body. You're ungrateful for what you have."

Because of this form of abuse when I left her home that mental struggle was still there for me. I would tell myself it wasn't working, I would always be fat, it was no use. Things like that, and I would give up way too early.

I was stuck! Floating around in this cycle of diet on, diet off. 

In 2017 I found out I had PCOS, after a series of awful tests, excessive bleeding, and facing many of my medical fears. I started to do research on PCOS and found out that one of the things women with PCOS struggle with is their weight. It's a hormone thing. For about a month I worked out, I ate better, I was focused on battling this thing. I was not going to let PCOS define me. 

Then came the crash, and I crashed hard!

I got so pissed off at my body for making my life so damn difficult. Why was all this happening to me? It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I get a damn break in life? It was bad enough I had all these mental health issues thanks to my mother and her husband. I didn't ask for any of this, so why was I suffering? 

I stayed in this state for years. I ate whatever the hell I wanted. Didn't matter to me that I was on pills for my fatty blood or that my cholesterol was high. I didn't give a shit. I was done.

Then I started at my current job. My boss would tell me how she was losing weight and she went through her doctor and I thought she was full of shit. I'm just being honest. I secretly rolled my eyes and thought to myself, "that will never work for me." 

Next two years I just did whatever the hell I wanted. Ignored my boss and her good mood about losing weight, and then my other co-workers trying to lose weight. That wasn't me. I was happy having no eating restrictions, and I ate fast-food every damn day. Sometimes two or three times. I was taking in an insane amount of calories.

Then last year hit, and I went to my annual health check up. My bloodwork was fine, aside from the usual. My hormones were fine. Everything was just fine. Regardless I asked my doctor about my weight. I was nearly 320 lbs. I was starting to get worried about my health. Diabetes runs in my family. My Nana had it, my grandmother, and my mom. This wasn't something I wanted on top of everything else. Plus my boss went through her doctor of weight loss. Why not say something?

My doctor stated she was not worried about my weight. .  .

Seriously?!

I'm 318 lbs. and you are not worried? I'm worried!

She went on to tell me that if I made small changes in my life I would drop the weight no problem. Like switching from a large coffee to a medium, eating healthy snacks, etc. Okay, so maybe this weight loosing thing isn't as hard as I thought. I trusted my doctor and what she said, and generally when I tried in the past I would go all in. Head deep into whatever craze there was. So I was ready to try these small steps.

Didn't work. I lost nothing. Not even a pound. I'm like okay, not all hope is lost here. My doctor might not be worried about my weight, but I am going to do something!

Screw these small changes thing, and in February 2024 I started Nutria System.  

I would highly NOT recommend this diet. The food is awful. I was always hungry, and it is pricey. I stopped after two weeks. 

But did it work?

Yes, I lost 15 lbs. ish. But canceling was a pain and it costs me a cancelation fee of $125. Lesson learned.

After my latest failure I went off the rails again. It was like finding out I had PCOS all over again, only worse. Now I had the money and means to eat whatever the hell I wanted, as much as I wanted. So I did. I was back to eating fast-food at every turn. binging was my thing. I act until I was be sick all night, and have awful heartburn when I slept. 

Along the way some changes happened at work too. We got some new co-workers, who were also on the medication my boss had been on, and they had a lot of success. The more my co-worker talked about her journey with weight loss the more I wanted to get in on this. The more I started to think, maybe all hope wasn't lost. Maybe...just maybe this could work for me. 

Then another co-worker decided to head to the same doctor and talk about weight loss. I wasn't going to be the only one left out. I made my appointment that day with this doctor of theirs. 

Hey, if my doctor wasn't going to listen to me or take my concerns to heart. Then I was going to go with someone that did.

April of 2024, I went to this new doctor for both weight loss and to take over my primary care. We talked for an hour. I expressed my concerns. Updated her on my medical records. Told her about my struggles with weight loss, and I started my first dose of Zepbound that day.

Let me tell you guys, it WORKS!!!

I went home that night, made dinner and could only stomach half of what I normally eat. I have been on the Zepbound shot for nearly five months and I have lost almost 40 lbs. That's the most weight, since the "Crack-bar" diet I have ever lost.

Are there side effects?

Yes.

Have I struggled?

Yes.

Does my mental health still effect me?

Yes. 

But that is all to come later. Until next time!

Welcome Everyone!

 Hey there, and welcome to my weight loss journey. Let me start out by saying I never saw myself doing anything like this. While I enjoy reading others stories of weight loss and the inspirational stuff they post, I never thought I would be able to do something like this. Mainly because I never thought I would ever in my life lose weight.

Honestly, I had given up a long time ago when it came to losing weight. I resided myself to be large, obese, overweight, whatever. The teenage dreams of being thin have long since left me, but here I am writing a weight loss blog. I choose to start this blog because a lot of people on Facebook seem to enjoy my weight loss updates. I figure, why not start a blog for more in-depth looks of what I am dealing with. And if it helps someone along the way, great!

So why call the blog, "Hate Me 300"?

Well, before starting this journey I was over 300 lbs. Something I never in my entire life I thought I would ever be. Never in my darkest thoughts, and I have a lot of them, did I think I would reach 300. Let alone be over that number. 100% honesty, I hated myself. 

Now I have always struggled with my self-image. My self-confidence is non-existent. My self loathing is off the charts, and my daily thoughts are that I look like a cartoon walrus with a huge ass. Those were my common conceptions about myself. When we reached 2024, and I weighed myself for the first time in over a year and saw I was 315 lbs. Those negative thoughts took off! And all hope I had of ever losing anytime of weight left me. I surrendered and my self hate was at an all time high. Hence the name of the blog. It's also a play on Ironman's, "love you 3,000" because, why not.

So what can you expect from this blog?

Well, a little of this. A little of that. My mental take on food, my moods, weight loss updates of course. How I am dealing with the mental aspects of it, and general thoughts that come to mind. That will all be here. If you want to see/read all that please join the blog and stay up to date. If not I will be posting links to my post on Facebook.

I look forward to sharing all this with you guys, and I hope someone, somewhere finds some inspiration out of this.